Change

Change. Change is scary. I don't like change. No matter how small or how big, I've always had a hard time with change. I don't even like typing the word change.....*shudder*..... I feel like life is all normal, predictable, and safe and then suddenly in just a blink of an eye everything is different! In a span of just one week so much has happened and there has been SO much change! Considering the circumstances, I am surprised at how well I am coping with everything ;) So what's been going on you might ask? Well, let me tell you :)

First off we no longer have a three year old...... Sam is FOUR!!! Woot woot! Sam's birthday was on Monday and he really wanted a "big boy bed" for his bday. We figured that meant a regular twin bed, but after showing him a bunch of pictures and him bursting into tears we realized that his idea of a "big boy bed" was in fact a bunk bed. So since Sam has me wrapped around his finger OF COURSE we bought him a bunk bed! He is in love and it's been really fun to see him so excited to go to bed at night! 

Speaking of Sam's birthday I mentioned on fb that he wanted a Daniel tiger cake and my amazing friend Lauren made one just for him. Here is how it turned out.....

Cute huh?!? He loves it so much!!!! He has been nursing it all week and since I am talking about change right now, here is what it looks like today......(Lauren you may want to close your eyes).....

Hehe! At least he's enjoying every bite :) Here is Jane enjoying her cake.......

Can't believe this boy is four!!! So far he is loving it..... Got to wear this crown all day at school and now instead of three pickles he gets four at lunch..... Every morning when he wakes up he asks me, "Is Sammy still four?" Haha!!!

We decided to have a little change of scenery and so we went up to Kevin's cabin for the weekend and we had a blast! My parents and Kevin's parents came and we had fun eating, laughing, napping, gaming, boating, fishing, chatting, crying, giggling, and snacking. Good times :)

Another big change has been our house. We are finally getting stuff done around here and it's so fun! We've been here almost a year and a half now and we finally hung our first picture! We're so grown up ;) We also put our playroom together so that's been a life saver :)

Another big change happened yesterday. This is something I've been talking about doing for YEARS. It's a really big deal for me........I cut my hair!!! Kevin flew to California for the day for work and so for some reason that morning I thought, "I want to cut my hair today." Usually when I want to cut my hair I talk and think about it for months and months and then I end up taking like two inches off. I'm not sure why, but this time was different. I called my hair lady to see when her soonest appointment would be and she had just had a cancelation and she could see me that day! It was fate!!!! I got a sitter with ease and I was on my way! I told her what I wanted and she seemed so excited about it so that made me feel so great! Then she asked if I wanted to donate to Locks of Love and of course I said yes! I didn't think I had enough hair to donate, but sure enough she put it in a braid and chopped it off! I posted a pic on fb and I seriously LOVE that so many of you thought it was a prank and demanded more proof!!! I was laughing all night :) So for those of you who still aren't convinced--here is your proof :)

And here is one in a pony tale..... I love how short and tiny it is! Eeeeehehe!

I haven't had hair this short since I was Sam's age! Usually I cut my hair and I'm filled with regret, but this time I'm still liking it and haven't burst into tears yet! Kevin is amazed! Lol ;) Oh and to finish my story-- He got home from California around midnight that night and I was too excited to go to sleep so I waited up for him and he was so surprised!!! The first thing he said to me was how proud of me he was because he knew what a big deal this was for me......so sweet! He loves it and thinks this should be the "new boo" for a long time :)

Let's see.....what else has changed???  Hmmmmm........well we are about to paint our kitchen cabinets white so that will be a huge change so I'll keep you posted on that........ Hmmm what else??? OH!!!! Now I remember! Turns out that when Jane gets wet she changes into a mermaid! Think I'm joking and this is another prank?!? Well then here's your proof........

Bath and then..........

Poof! Mermaid!!!! See?!? Crazy change going on around here :)

So there you have it! Lots has happened, but thankfully it's all good things :) I'm excited to spend the day in my Jammie's and listen to Conference....... Happy conference weekend everybody and cheers to CHANGE!!!!!!!!! Oh wow...I didn't shudder typing it that time! I'm evolving and.........CHANGING!!!........ ;)

A long time ago.....

A long time ago I was a little girl at Rosecrest Elelmentary. I had made a new friend and decided to go to her house after school. Of course it didn't even cross my mind to tell my mom, I was just so excited to have this new friend. As we were walking to her house it started raining really hard. We got to the house, but the door was locked and we were stuck outside for a long time. I started to feel really uneasy and realized that my mom was probably really worried. Eventually this girl's mom came home and I was finally able to call home and tell my mom where I was. I remember the car ride home and my mom being pretty upset (obviously), but what always stuck out the most to me was when I walked into the house I saw my sister, Morgan, sitting at the kitchen table bawling her eyes out. I remember wondering if she had gotten in trouble or if she was sick and for years I always thought about that and for some reason couldn't seem to forget it. I'm not sure when I pieced it all together and finally realized that the reason she was crying was because of me....because she loved me so much and was worried and scared that something had happened to me. Even though she was so young, her love for me was just like a mother's love and was well beyond her years.This is how my entire life has been with my Morgie. She has ALWAYS been there for me and has always taken such good care of me. 

There are some people out there who just stick out and are special. Who leave such an incredible impression on everyone they meet and if they were standing in a room full of a hundred people your eye would be drawn to them. This is definitely the case with my sister. Strangers open up to her and everyone around her wants be her friend. I can't go anywhere without someone asking me how she is doing. Even at my ten year high school reunion, over half the people I talked to mentioned her or asked about her and how she is doing. This is partly why I wanted to write this post. 

Morgan has a super power that is a gift, but also a curse.....(she is going to hate me for writing this! Gah!).....she has the ability to fake it--come rain or come shine she can fake it! It used to drive me crazy (probably because I was jealous-since I obviously wear all my emotions on my sleeve), but no matter what she is going thru she will have a big smile on her face and say that she is great and that everything is fine. She does NOT like attention to be on her. I have never known anyone personally who has been thru more stress, heartache, trauma, sickness, trials, hardships, and fear then her. No one. So for the many of you that want to know "how is she really?" I want to share a bit of her story with you :)

After I had Jane I got really sick and my incision from my C-section got infected. For a while though they couldn't find/treat the infection and so for three months I thought I was crazy because they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Three months I went thru this......three months. Sounds like a long time to be sick doesn't it? Well, now try to picture having horrifying symptoms--numb limbs, migraines, blacking out, constant vertigo, nauseau, episodes where your heart beats three times as fast as it should that last anywhere from a minute to hours at a time, MS symptoms, panic attacks, feeling like you can't breath and passing out-- for TEN YEARS and for every doctor that you go to tell you you look fine and healthy......TEN YEARS! That's just a tiny glimpse of what has been going on (I'll leave out all the emotional trauma of having a newborn baby flatline, having that same son diagnosed with cancer at just three years old, or watching her other son fall out of a window over twenty feet high). 

Thankfully last November she FINALLY received answers and many prayers were also answered. After receiving a blessing from Aaron she felt like she should go see an endodontist. At this point she had been to almost every kind of doctor out there, but she did not ignore this feeling and went right away. What they found was horrifying and straight out of a sci-fi movie. Basically she had a cyst the size of a silver dollar that had been brewing and growing for over ten years in the root of one of her front teeth. They figured the tooth had died from an injury she sustained over ten years ago while performing in a show at Hale because there was no decay whatsoever. (She was standing on a guy's shoulders and was dropped and fell face first into the ground) 

This cyst had eaten away all of her bone and had attached itself like a spiders web to all existing tissue. They had to physically cut this thing out to remove it and it left a gaping hole in her face. The endodontist said he had never seen or heard of anything like this. Now I worked at a dentist office for a while and I saw lots of infections/infected teeth. Some were so bad that we had to send patients to the hospital to get IV antibiotics and that was an infection that had been around for a year or so. I can't even fathom what would have happened to her if she hadn't felt inspired to go see that endodontist. I honestly can't go there. Her cardiologist didn't think her heart would have survived another month the way it was overworking. She told me that every night she went to sleep she was honestly scared she wouldn't wake up :( No one should live in fear like that. Words can't express how grateful I am for priesthood blessings and for Aaron for being worthy to give her one :) 

At this time she was seeing a heart doctor and had all these monitors on her 24/7 and once she got the cyst removed everything started to go away and almost immediately she felt better! They had never seen anything like it! It was nothing short of a miracle!!! Words can't describe how painful and agonizing it was talking to her day after day... hearing how much she was suffering and how scared and in pain she was. By far the darkest time of my life. Suddenly I was the young girl crying at the kitchen table....completely sick with worry and totally helpless. I'm sure most of you reading this are thinking, "I had no idea! She always seemed so happy to me!" I can't believe how brave and strong my sister is. What an incredible example she is to me and my family. Even when I come to her with stupid and petty problems, she has complete empathy and listens and gives me such wonderful advice. Aside from my mom, I've never known anyone as intune with the spirit and so full of light and love. 

Now she is an amazing writer and is moving forward with life and trying to catch up on all that she missed/couldn't be a part of these past ten years. I wish I could put into words how sweet and loving her heart is. I don't want to even begin to imagine what kind of person I would be without her. She keeps me centered and hopeful. My mom and her sister, Audrey, are so close and talk every day and we have always looked up to them SO much in every way. I'm soooooo grateful that we are just as close and can be just like them :) 

Love you Morgs!!!

The awesome, the awkward, and the awful......

We'll today is a big day....huge actually....it's my mom's birthday!!!!!! Woot woot! Happy birthday mama! Her motto for this year is 61 and having fun! Those of you who know my mom know how cheerful, fun, and happy she always is.........and wonderful, wise, silly, loving, warm, hilarious, adventurous, spiritual, intellectual, and incredible..... I could go on and on and on and on and on and on ;) There is nothing she loves more then her children (specifically one of her daughters) so I thought a blog post (specifically a blog post from me) was definitely in order for today :) HA!!!

There have been a few things that have happened that I thought I should mention so here you go..... Let's start with the awesome, then the awkward, and then the awful shall we???

The Awesome-- My best friend, Sam, that I grew up dancing with came and visited Salt Lake a few weeks ago and it was so incredible spending time with her. We haven't seen each other in over three years, but the second I saw her it was like we were twelve again and boy did we giggle like a bunch of twelve year olds ;) 

It really was so fun catching up and hearing all about her life dancing as a professional dancer in Portland. The funniest thing we realized is that her boyfriend (who she met in Portland) used to work at Backbeats--a drum shop here in salt lake--and he sold kevin all of his drum kits and tons of his gear. What a small world!!! I told her that drummers are definitely keepers ;) hehe!

The Awkward-- I went to my 10 year high school reunion and man it was......something.....I'm not even sure what it was exactly, but I felt pretty awkward. Maybe it was because all my close friends weren't there or because I had poor Kevin with me who hates big groups of people AND being social OR that everyone was asking what you've been up to when secretly they all knew everyone's lives because of fb OR maybe it was the fact that I was in a room full of people who I used to spend every single day with and had crushes on or even dated.......ya......probably a little bit of everything ;) I don't know, I hear that the 20 year reunion isn't as clicky and is more fun, but it will probably take a lot to get me to go--and even more to get Kevin to go! ;) ha!!!

The Awful-- Kevin had a really exciting opportunity to go New York City (his first time ever!) this week and I was even ok to be left at home with the kiddos because I was just so excited for him to see such a magical place :) Unfortunately it wasn't very magical for him or for me....... As I mentioned before he doesn't like big crowds and he does NOT like anything dirty. Not sure why I thought he would think it was magical.....lol. He was supposed to come home around midnight Monday night, but one of his flights got cancelled so he had to spend the night in Chicago and take a flight the next day. It wouldn't have been a big deal but something horrifyingly traumatic happened earlier that day so I was pretty upset. I hope I have enough courage to share it with you now......ok here it goes..... I. Saw. A. Mouse. In. Our. HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!! It was running all around in our big kitchen room by the fireplace and I completely lost all control. Like seriously. I was standing on the counter screaming while Jane was just sitting there looking pretty confused. Thank heavens Sam was in his room or he would've been terrified! Some awesome friends came and set out some sticky traps and so I pretty much avoided being inside until we went to bed that night. I didn't sleep a wink the entire night for fear I would hear it suddenly scream. Eeeeew yuck I have the chills just talking about it! Kevin made it home eventually and there was no sign of the mouse so I thought all was fine and dandy until last night........ I was sitting and chatting with some friends when suddenly I saw the little demon run across the floor and went right under our stove. Kevin checked all our traps and the little monster had eaten all the peanut butter off of them and then eventually ripped himself free because there were pieces of fur still stuck on there. I am sick. This guy is good. Too good. He knows what he's doing and we don't stand a chance! We already caught two mice in our garage a month ago so I'm scared that there are hundreds of them living in our house mocking us!!! I have never been so jumpy in my life. While we were outside a leaf fell off our tree and I about ripped that thing to shreds. I don't know how much longer I can live like this!!! 

Well for the meantime lets try to get my mind off of things.....here are some random fun pics for you to enjoy :) 

The Jon Burgoyne band back together again!

Kevin feeling bored......

A delicious and successful attempt at cooking with our fresh zucchini!

I bought cute pillows for our bench! Sadly I didn't know that there are "outdoor pillows" and apparently these are just the "regular" kind.....Oh well! Still cute ;)

Sam visiting temple square :)

Being naughty with daddy and getting bubbles and a huge "doughnut"..... Hehe!

Kevin at the apple store in New York City!

While Kevin was gone Jane took over as keeper of the knives..... :)

While Kevin was gone I grew a mustache.... I think it looks pretty good....obviously ;)

Times Square!!!!!! Yes that is iron man, Mario, and woody in the background! Lol!

Me being nostalgic ;) Can you find little Kevbev in there?!? Hehe!

All the grand kids together at Papa Steve's summer camp this summer!!!!! So fun :)

Happy Birthday Mom! Hope this brought some amusement to your life on this very special day! Love you!!! :)