Too afraid.......

So I know my last post was kind of a downer, but I've got huge news! Have you ever been too afraid to do something? I'm sure everyone has in one way or another.... I'm not talking about bungee jumping or sky diving here, I'm talking about little everyday things. Like free samples, for example. For some reason if I'm alone I am too scared to go up and take a free sample at the store. Not exactly sure why.....I guess I think they'll judge me..... "Wow that girl took a free sample! She can't control herself....she has to eat everything! Watch out for that hungry girl!" ....... I guess I lack confidence when I'm not with someone. Weird. Hmmmm...... but anyways (sorry random tangent) I had a break thru today! It will probably sound silly to most of you, but I am so proud of myself I just had to share! Ok here I go......

You know how they have drive thru's when you go to the bank? Well I've been wanting and WANTING to use one since I've got two kids now, but I was too scared! How do you do the suction thingy??? Will I be able to get it open? Will they have deposit slips? Do I need to have my own pen? Will it suck my hand up there??? So many unknowns! I talked to my mom multiple times about what to expect and what you have to do, but for some reason I've been too afraid. Once I even had all the checks signed and the slip filled out and I pulled up and completely panicked! I ended up unloading both kids and dragging us all in and I looked terrible because I hadn't planned on getting out of the car and the guy that helped me said, "You do know we have the drive thru if that's easier for you...." HA! If only he knew.....

So today we were out running errands and it was such a beautiful fall day and I had just had a wonderful conversation with my amazing sister and for some reason, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I knew.....it was time..... I could do this. I would do this. I purposely missed my freeway exit and headed straight to the blasted bank. I pulled up, filled everything out, stuck it in the tube and shooooooom! I nailed it! I dominated that suction thingy! Everything went smoothly and it was so easy!!! I feel like I could run a marathon right now! I DID IT!!! Boo yah! In your face scary suction tube! Haha!!!

Big news huh?!? So exciting :) What a great day! Phew! Who knows what tomorrow will bring?!? Maybe I'll go cliff jumping, or wrestle an alligator, or take that free sushi sample at the grocery store I've been dying to take for weeks now.......who knows?!? All I know is the day is mine and I couldn't be happier :) 

Conflict

Do you ever have days where you feel like you are letting everyone down and every person in the whole wide world is upset with you? Even yourself? Well today is totally one of those days for me. I don't know why but I feel like I keep getting in situations where I end up getting in trouble and disappointing people. Bleh! It's the worst feeling ever! 

It is so hard to feel like you are excelling in your calling at church, with household demands, with personal goals.....physical and spiritual, taking care of your kids, taking care of your spouse, being healthy, serving others, being kind, being outgoing, being a good friend, being a good mom....... I seriously feel like I'm going to explode!

It's hard when you feel like you are failing at everything. Now this is NOT a post where I am fishing for compliments. Not at all. I'm not even sure why I am writing all this. I guess it's kind of therapeutic. I think right now it's just the perfect storm. I just want to find a good balance and well basically be a better person. Does anyone else struggle with any of this? Am I crazy??? I just want to be one of those people that you see and you think to yourself, "Wow. That person really has it together." "She is so kind." "You can always count on her, she is so dependable."

There is a lot of pressure to be perfect in the world, especially the "mommy world."I don't want to be perfect, I just want to be someone who is always there for someone no matter what. I want to be someone who has a desire to go above and beyond in everything she does-not just gets by. Sheesh. I guess I have a lot of work to do.....lol!

 Anyways, on to some upbeat news......Baby Jane had her four month appointment today! She is still off the chart in her weight category (skinny little thing!) but she is in the 75th percentile for height! Tall and skinny......I'd say she has a good chance of becoming a ballerina if she wants to be ;) She is so much fun. I'm excited to bust out the rice cereal and have her try some new foods! She is such a sweetheart. I absolutely love her!

                                                              Our little keebler elf :)